


All I Do Is Pour Black Coffee

by anephemeralmind



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 20:51:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14723393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anephemeralmind/pseuds/anephemeralmind
Summary: Unless you count the one time Frank Ocean came in to get a latte, and Timothée had to take his lunch break an hour early to go cry in the bathroom, there haven’t really been any celebrities walking through the doors that Timmy actually cared about. Until now.Or: Timmy is a barista, Armie has an extremely complicated coffee order, and Saoirse deserves a fruit basket.





	All I Do Is Pour Black Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> Who doesn't love a good old fashioned coffee shop au?

It’s not like seeing celebrities out and about is anything new to Timmy, living in Los Angeles had disillusioned him pretty quickly. Not to mention working as a barista in a coffee shop where the nearest neighbor was a giant office building housing offices for various film studios. Meaning about 65% of their customers were either actors, directors or studio execs while the other 35% were regular people and the occasional autograph hunter/stalker fan. Timmy would never understand the latter. How could getting one cringeworthy selfie after the other with the same goddamn actor 15 days in a row be fun for anyone?

Unless you count the one time Frank Ocean came in to get a latte, and Timothée had to take his lunch break an hour early to go cry in the bathroom, there haven’t really been any celebrities walking through the doors that Timmy actually cared about. Until now.

Watching Armie Hammer step through the doors of his coffee shop was quite the out of body experience, and Timmy had to subtly pinch himself to make sure he hadn’t accidentally fallen asleep behind the register.

Timmy had harboured quite the hopeless crush on Armie Hammer ever since he was 14 and watched The Social Network for the first time. He admits to having been slightly disappointed when he realized there weren’t actually two of him in real life, and he’d also cried a little when he read that Armie had gotten married just a few months before the movie came out. What? He was 14 years old and full of hormones, cut him some slack.

If you had told 14 year old Timmy that just eight years later Armie Hammer would be divorced, out of the closet, and standing right in front of him, he would have laughed in your face. And then probably burst right into tears, fucking hormones.

“Hi, welcome to Lady Bird, what can I get you today?” Timmy is quite proud of the fact that his voice comes out perfectly normal, and not even a little bit squeaky.

“Well.” Armie smiles and quickly looks down at his name tag. “Timmy. You might want to grab your notepad for this, it’s quite a complicated order.”

Timmy groans inwardly, of course he had to be one of _those_. “I’m sure I won’t need it, sir.” Timmy has worked here long enough to have come up with a foolproof system to remember the orders for these kinds of fancy pants customers.

“I’m afraid I’m gonna have to insist.”

“Fine, one second.” Timmy turns his back to Armie, rolling his eyes in frustration, before turning back around with his notepad in hand. He flips it open to a blank page, waiting for Armie to start to spew out ingredients and specific milk temperatures.

“Alright, you ready?” He grins down at Timmy.

“Yes, sir. Lay it on me.”

“Are you sure? It’s really very complicated.”

Timmy caught himself before rolling his eyes. “Yes, sir, just tell me, please.”

“Alright then, here it goes. I want one, large, black coffee.”

“You _asshole!_ ” The words slip out before Timmy managed to stop them, but luckily all it does is make Armie burst out laughing, and Timmy can’t help but join him.

“I’m sorry, man. I just couldn’t help myself. I was in here the other day when you got one of those half-caf, two and a half pump syrup, soy milk heated to exactly 196.7 degrees type of orders. And I swear, the look on your face, it was one of the most adorable things I’ve ever seen.”

“I- What?!” Timmy refuses to believe that Armie had been in here before, especially without him noticing. Because honestly, towering over literally everyone, he’s pretty hard to miss. Besides, Timmy is pretty much always manning the register, so the only way that could even be possible would be if he came in when Timmy was on his lunch break. Which, honestly, would be just his fucking luck. And fucking Saoirse didn’t say anything? Timmy will be having _words_ with her later.

He’s so busy being shocked about the fact that Armie had been here before that he completely blanked on the fact that he’d said he thought Timmy was cute. And the look on his face must’ve been signaling that he was pretty freaked out, and Armie obviously took that to mean that he was not here for being hit on by hot, tall, ridiculously gorgeous men. Because he quickly starts stuttering out an apology, while fumbling with his wallet to pay for the coffee that Timmy haven’t even managed to make yet.

“No! No, nonono, don’t apol- You have nothing to be sorry for, I promise. I just- my brain kinda checked out for a minute there.” He really hopes his smile comes across as more flattered and sincere and less crazy joker. Luckily, judging by the way Armie instantly relaxes before softly smiling back, he must have managed to hit the proverbial nail on the head.

“So, how would you feel if I were to ask you out on a date?” Armie bites his bottom lip and smiles down at Timmy.

“Honestly? I’m pretty sure I would just fucking keel over and die on the spot, but you’re welcome to try?” Timmy laughs.

“Well then, Timothée Chalamet, would you do me the honor of accompanying me out for dinner on Saturday?”

“I’d love to.” It takes him three seconds longer than it should have to realize Armie just used his full name, pronounced perfectly and everything, and there is no way in hell he’d be able to know _that_ from his very basic name tag. “Wait- How’d you-” He wrinkles his nose in confusion.

“How I knew your name?” Armie smiles as Timmy nods. “I got it from the very lovely, blonde Irish girl from the other day, along with your work schedule for the entire week.” Armie says with a laugh.

“ _Fucking Saoirse_!”

“She seemed more than happy to help.”

“Oh, I’ll bet.” Timmy grumbles. Making Armie laugh even harder.

“Worked out well for you, though. Didn’t it?” Armie winks.

“I suppose it did.” Timmy smiles as he looks up at Armie through his eyelashes. “Except she’s going to be fucking unbearable now, just you wait, I’m gonna end up having to buy her a goddamn fruit basket or something.”

“We could always go halfsies?” Armie jokes.

“You might think you’re being funny, but when the day comes, I’m so gonna take you up on that!”

“Looking forward to it.”

Armie’s sincerity almost knocks Timmy flat on his ass. How this absolutely _gorgeous_ man could ever look at _him -_ and see anything even resembling attractiveness - Timmy doesn’t think he’ll ever really understand. But fuck if he won’t take it.

“Hey, hand me your phone?” Armie asks, interrupting Timmy’s thoughts.

“Okay? What for?”

“Well, if I’m gonna take you out for dinner on Saturday, having your number would probably be a good idea.”

“Right! Yes. Very true.” Timmy quickly fumbles his phone out of his back pocket, only almost dropping it twice, before unlocking it and handing it over to Armie.

He watches as Armie takes a quick selfie - “For my contact picture, of course.” he explains – before quickly tapping away inputting his number, and judging by the way his pocket suddenly vibrates, calling himself too. “Easiest way to make sure I get your number, too.” Armie winks as he hands Timmy’s phone back to him, before extracting his own from his pocket. “My turn to get a cute contact picture of you now!”

He quickly takes a picture, just as Timmy is shyly tucking his hair behind his ear. “Perfect!” Armie grins widely.

Just as Timmy is about to respond, a couple of new customers walk through the door, cutting their time alone together short. And Timmy quickly fills a large to go cup with black coffee, and draws a little heart and a smiley face next to Armie’s name before handing it over, just because he can. Armie smiles when he sees it. “I’ll call you after your shift to talk about our date.” he promises as he walks backwards out the door.

About five minutes after Armie and the other costumers have left, Timmy feels his phone vibrate in his back pocket. It’s a text, from Armie. He laughs as he sees which emojis he’s picked for himself, before his mouth dries up at the sight of the contact picture.

  
Armie Hammer (coffee cup emoji)(smirk emoji)(heart emoji)  
Can’t wait for saturday (heart emoji)

It’s safe to say that this was not at all what Timmy had been expecting when he got to work this afternoon, but it easily soars right past the Frank Ocean incident, securing the number one spot for best day at work _ever._


End file.
